A Sort of Homecoming
by J-Chan7
Summary: Shiloh Azazel, a soldier from the future, takes some time off to think.


A Sort of Homecoming Lyrics By U2 and in _italics._Terminator © whoever owns it.

  
In the night, Shiloh awoke suddenly. Her dream was not the cause, as it normally is... No, what woke her was the abrupt realization that she was homesick.  
  
_And you know it's time to go_  
_Through the sleet and driving snow_  
  
Homesick? How could someone be homesick for hell? For fear? How could someone be homesick for a world they've hated their entire lives? For a place that has taken your family from you and killed your child and left you to rot with only horror and dread in your heart? Why would someone be homesick for that?  
  
_Across the fields of mourning_  
_Light in the distance_  
  
In her mind she knew that she never wanted to go back. Never return to that world, ever. She only hoped that by protecting Barake and shielding him from his advancing fate, she could somehow change that future.. change it so that there was no fear in the hearts of the people who lived in it. There would be no dread, no horror, no pain. She wanted to give that to them.. or at least to try.  
  
_And you hunger for the time_  
_Time to heal, desire, time_  
  
She quietly rose out of her bed, wiping the sweat from her brow. Careful not to wake Barake or Metaru, she slipped out into the hall, and towards the door. Oh her way, she caught her reflection in a mirror on the wall. For the first time in her life, she realized that she was still a child. Only 15 now, she noted that she was still younger than Barake, and yet.. and yet she seemed so much older. Her face, although still pretty, was worn from sadness and pain. Her hands, although still small, were rough from war and fighting. Her own body, although still so youthful, was scarred and wounded still. She quickly left the hall, silently shattering the mirror as she ran from the house.  
  
_And your earth moves beneath_  
_Your own dream landscape_  
_On borderland we run..._  
  
She somehow ignored the branches scraping against her bare arms and face. She somehow disregarded the pain in her exposed feet as every step drove rocks and sticks further into the naked flesh. All she knew was that she needed to be alone.. to think.   
  
_I'll be there_  
_I'll be there..._  
_Tonight_  
  
She stopped on a cliff face overlooking the town below. Not knowing how to get back to the cabin or which way she had even come from, she sat on a large boulder. Her world was nothing like this one.. down below her was peace.. people sleeping. No one ever slept in her bloody future. Or if they did, it would most likely be their last. The monsters that slaughtered the few thousand living humans were everywhere. They stalked you as if you were their prey.. they had no emotion, no sense of right or wrong. All they had was programming.  
  
_A high road_  
_A high road out from here_  
_The city walls are all come down_  
_The dust, a smoke screen all around_  
  
Shiloh gazed down at the town for a few more minutes, reveling in the wonderment that came over her. Was this how it had been before? It was this beautiful? How could someone ever even think of destroying such serenity? In her mind, images of the barren wasteland in which she lived flashed through her mind. Ruins of skyscrapers.. endless deserts where once were proud cities.. and the people.   
  
_See faces ploughed like fields that once_  
_Gave no resistance_  
  
Emaciated, malnourished people.. people with no hopes or ambitions.. almost primitive now. In a matter of months people had gone from advanced and modern to primal and uncouth. No Armani suits anymore.. no Rolex watches.. animal skins, if you were lucky enough to find an animal. Burlap sacks, if you fought well enough for it. Any sort of rags you could pick off of the dead or dying. That was what people wore.  
  
_And we live by the side of the road_  
_On the side of a hill _  
_As the valley explodes_  
  
Those machines.. they had caused it. They had set off the bomb.. they had destroyed the once great human race.. they had reduced people to that lowly state. They were the cause of the hatred and fear in Shiloh's heart. They were why she would never see her mother or her baby again.. they were the reason. She hated them. With every shred of emotion in her, she hated them.   
  
_Dislocated, suffocated_  
_The land grows weary of its own_  
  
But.. Shiloh no longer hated Metaru. It may have been a Terminator at one time, but over and over again had it proven that it was no longer a threat. A lump rose in her throat. If it wasn't harmful anymore, and she didn't hate it.. then why did she keep turning her back on it? Why did she keep hurting it? It had given her part of it's life force so she could live.. but why was she still so cruel?  
  
_Oh, oh, oh...on borderland we run..._  
_And still we run_  
_We run and don't look back_  
  
Once again.. why did she keep pushing everyone away? Sumter.. Barake.. Metaru.. she pushed and pushed. Always saying that she wanted to be alone.. when all she really wanted was someone there to comfort her. Why did she keep doing that? What was wrong with her?  
  
_I'll be there_  
_I'll be there_  
  
Insanity.. that was the only cause, she determined. She kept telling herself that she was insane.. demented.. crazy.. but somehow, it didn't make any sense. Fearing her own mind, she buried her head in her hands and cried. She was only crazy in this world. Back.. 'home'.. she was normal. She wasn't crazy. She was just another soldier.. no one paid attention to her. But here.. here there were people. And they cared.  
  
_Tonight_  
_Tonight_  
  
'Please take me home.. I feel so scared here..' she silently prayed. Shiloh wondered why she was praying at all.. after her mother died in her arms, Shiloh had lost every ounce of faith that she had. She cursed anything that would let her live the life that she did.  
  
_I'll be there tonight...I believe_  
  
'Please just take me home..'  
  
_I'll be there...somehow_  
  
'Take me away...'  
  
_I'll be there...tonight_  
  
'Take me home..'  
  
_Tonight_  
  
She wiped her eyes and ran her fingers through her short hair. Looking up, she noticed something. The city was gone. The woods were gone. There was only desert and ruins.  
  
_The wind will crack in winter time_  
_This bomb-blast lightning waltz_  
  
Her eyes widened, and her voice came out as silence. She stood and whirled around. There was nothing.. nothing anywhere. No cabin, no people.. no sign of anything.   
  
_No spoken words, just a scream..._   
'No.. no.. I didn't mean it.. I don't want to be back.. oh please.. please.. I didn't mean it..'  
There came no reply, and she screamed in terror, dropping to her knees. 'No.. I didn't want this.. I didn't mean it.. take it back.. take it back..' She sobbed again, screaming to return, when suddenly.. she was shaken.  
  
_Tonight we'll build a bridge_  
_Across the sea and land_  
  
She opened her eyes quickly, and turned to stare at the person.. it was Barake.. the forest was back.. the town was back.. everything.. was back.  
"..Bara..?" She murmured, eyes wide with fear.  
"Shiloh.. you were dreaming.. it's okay.." He said comfortingly.  
A dream? How could it be a dream?  
"..It was just a dream?"  
He nodded. "Just a dream.."  
  
_See the sky, the burning rain_  
_She will die and live again_  
  
"I didn't go back..?"  
"Back where?"  
"..Nothing, I'm fine. I'm okay now.."  
  
_Tonight_  
  
"..Are you sure..?"  
"I'm fine." She said sharply, her heart screaming for her to stop pushing people away and to just talk with Bara.  
"Promise?"  
"I can't lie to a superior officer." She said formally.. rigidly.. emotionless.  
  
_And your heart beats so slow_  
  
"..Fine, sorry for waking you." He said, turning his back and walking off.  
  
_Through the rain and fallen snow_  
  
"I'm sorry.." She whispered as he left her field of vision. "I'm so sorry.."  
  
_Across the fields of mourning_  
  
Looking back across the city, she blinked. She had gone home, in her dream.. she had been back.. and she had screamed to leave. If she hadn't wanted to go back.. why had she prayed to go?  
  
_Light's in the distance_  
  
'Maybe.. my home is here.' She thought.  
  
_Oh don't sorrow, no don't weep_  
  
'Maybe.. this is where I really belong..'  
  
_For tonight, at last_ _I am coming home_   
With that thought still in her mind, she stood and walked back to the cabin, her heart set on apologizing to Barake. As she walked through the forest, she smiled a bit to herself. For the first time, she didn't feel any hate or pain. She felt loved.. she felt wanted.. she felt cared for.  
  
_I am coming home_  
  
She felt like she was going home for the first time.  



End file.
